How important is dress and grooming?
As a somewhat an inaugural post on my blog, I want to give a bit of back ground as to my philosophy on our personal image and style and why it matters. So today I am going to take you on a little journey. First, we will talk about University and semiotics, then an old violin, then a quote from Mark Twain, and then two personal stories from my own life. After that I will explain in greater detail what paying attention to your grooming and dress can do for you.
To begin, I would like you to turn your mind back to the late 90s. I was in first my first year at University, studying a Batchelor of Arts degree. I had signed up for English, and was looking forward to some truly amazing texts and stimulating discussions with my fellow students. What I found, however, was that English at Uni was different to what it had been at my high school. Instead of just reading and discussing plot etc we were really looking into the meaning that was being conveyed through text and media and how it was conveyed. It was the study of semiotics, or the science of conveying meaning through signs, or visual means. In movies whole stories are packed into approximately 2 hours, and images are used, sometimes in a stereotypical way, to convey a lot of meaning quickly. Clothes, hair, make up, camera angle and sequencing, every choice is deliberate and conveys particular meaning to the audience. For example, we can often tell the villain by their appearance, and a buxom blonde in a horror movie is almost certain to end up dead etc
Blade Runner (1982) Directed by Ridley Scott Shown: Daryl Hannah (as Pris). This is one of the images I remember studying in first year uni. Reminds you of that line from the movie 'My Girl' where it was said that 'a girl can never have too much blue eye shadow'!
In our own lives we also give and receive visual cues. Some of these cues are given subconsciously through our body language, some we can control such as dress, grooming and manners. When we meet someone for the first time, we often form some kind of initial impression, sometimes before that person has even opened their mouths. Hopefully we are not too judgmental and our evaluations are not based criteria that are too shallow, but nevertheless we do have initial impressions, and so do the people we interact with. I am the first to agree that we do not need to worry about what everyone around us thinks of the way that we are dressed all the time. But in certain situations it becomes important. For example at social situations with stricter than usual dress codes such as at weddings and funerals, and at work it can impact how many clients we receive if we are self employed, or how we are promoted if we are employed. It can make it harder or easier to get to know people socially and can impact our dating life.
This brings me to my second story about the old violin. Years ago I came across the poem ‘The Touch of the Master’s Hand’, by Myra Brooks Welch. It is a thought provoking Christian poem, that I am going to paraphrase and discuss from a slightly different angle, but the original poem can be found here https://www.onlythebible.com/Poems/the-Touch-of-the-Masters-Hand--Old-Violin.html
It begins with a group of people gathered for an auction. One of the items for sale is an old Violin. It was ‘battered and scarred’ and just not very desirable. When the auctioneer comes to the Violin he opens the bidding at $3 and the bidding is slow.
But then
“From the room far back a gray bearded man
Came forward and picked up the bow,
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening up the strings,
He played a melody, pure and sweet
As sweet as the angel sings.”
And as the music ends, the auctioneer in a changed voice says ‘who will bid me $1000?’ and the violin ends up being sold for $3000. When the poem was written in the 1920s this was a small fortune.
The question is asked within the poem, ‘what changes the value?’, and the answer is given ‘the touch of the master’s hand’, but I would say that the master only revealed the value that was in the violin already. We are like that violin, in that we have great value, and much of beauty and worth to offer those around us, but sometimes we struggle. We feel like that old violin. Life’s experiences leave us battered and scarred, or we just struggle to show others our true worth and what we have to offer them.
And I feel that it is a very rare person who will come along and help you to revalue yourself. If you have a price tag on yourself of $3, put there by yourself or anyone else, most people will just accept the valuation you have laid upon yourself. They are busy, and they are to a certain degree focused upon their own lives. It is a very rare person who will remove that $3 price tag and replace it with one that accurately represents your real worth. Now, image is important because it is one of the ways that you convey your valuation of yourself to others. If you look competent and energetic and confident you will have different relationships and opportunities than if you look sad and sorry.
Even if you are battling with the mindset that you are only worth $3, do not present yourself that way. Step outside your fears, present yourself like you have great worth, and it will help you and others to see you that way.
Now on to Mark Twain. He famously said (and I love this, I am going to get a t shirt made with this on the front) “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” Ha! Very true. So we all need to cover our nakedness, even if just for legal reasons. But where should we stand on spending time, effort and money on our appearance? Particularly for women this discussion has feminist overtones. Should it matter what a lady politician or news reader wears? Isn’t her worth independent of her appearance? I believe that good grooming and confidence is important for business people of both genders, but I am not saying that all women need to be like Joan Collins who is reported to have said ‘ I never leave the house unless I look like Joan Collins’ It was her brand and it made her a fortune your relationship with your appearance will probably be different. And as a woman there is no reason why you cannot take a leaf out of Mark Zuckerberg’s book and wear the same kind of grey t shirt every day! Or more seriously, you could have a uniform – eg smart pants suit, and killer shoes, white t shirt. Every day. And it is worth remembering that if there is a gender inequality inherent in the amount of focus placed upon a woman’s appearance that is also a marketing opportunity. People notice well presented confident women and they remember them. What we want to try and redress is the situation where a woman’s appearance overshadows her other qualities.
My husband tells a funny story about a man he worked with many years ago. He was tall, exceptionally muscular, long haired and an IT genius. He was going for a high powered IT job. He went to the afternoon job interview with sauce from his lunch spilled all down his shirt. The interviewer’s comment was ‘To show up looking like that, you must really know your stuff’ He was offered the job. He turned it down because he was also offered an even better one. He used his appearance to defy the norm and stand out from the crowd. It would not have worked if he was not confident and brilliant.
As you can imagine, as someone working in the style industry, I am in favour of people looking good. I like it. When I see a great outfit I want to compliment the wearer and take a photo of it. I am not really in favour of using black bean sauce to underscore that you are so great that what you look like is irrelevant. But I am in favour of people doing what works. If you like to look good and wear flattering clothes, then do it! If you find that you can’t be bothered fussing with your appearance and things are still working well for you, then that is good too. But be aware of situations where a good first impression might make the difference – often they will be in your career. I believe that in our work lives we should be aware of what people are expecting someone in our field to look like, and then either conform to that, thus smoothing them into trusting us, or deliberately break the mold. Be aware that if you break the mold you are going to have to address your appearance somehow, so that your client sees it as your brilliance breaking the mold and not just inattention or lack of awareness. And I would not necessarily recommend doing it with black bean sauce. When and how to break the mold is something to execute with style if possible!
One other comment before I end, and it is an important one, I do not want to over emphasize image. It can be a powerful way of making you feel and look the part at work or in other social settings, but it does not replace real confidence, it can strengthen and support it. And getting dressed should be fun, a source of pleasure. If you are struggling it can be good to ask why. Do you not know what suits you? Do you not know what you like? Do you worry about it too much? The internet is full of good advice, and sometimes it helps to talk to a real live person. Or just commit to getting dressed the best you can for the day and then not worrying about it!